The Slenderman Sketch Show
by Vixin2
Summary: Watch the funny sketches preformed by the characters of Marble Hornets, Tribe Twelve, Everymanhybrid and my oc's Rebecca, Rachel and Claire. Some are based off of real sketches, some original and a couple of songs here and there! Read or Slendy will come to your house!...And we're not actually kidding on that one. Rated T just in case. Newest chapter, 'Noah's Sexy Attack'.
1. Why Jay's Apartment Really Burned Down

The following sketch was done under supervision of professionals and should not be attempted to be done at home as we cannot be held responsible if your an idiot. The characters in this sketch will play themselves and the sketch is original as far as we know.

* * *

**Why Jay's Apartment Really Burned down**

It was a pretty average night. Jay and Rebecca were hiding in a hotel in paranoia, Alex was AWOL and people who went missing from the original 'Marble Hornets' crew were still missing. Yep, a pretty normal night for all.

Well, it would have been if a young man wearing an mask which looked strangely effeminate and a being that had to have been at least six feet tall with no face and had tentacles for hands had not just broken into the empty apartment that belonged to poor, slightly disturbed Jay.

"Wh-where is he?", Masky asked looking around. The frown he had under his mask could be heard in the tone of his voice.

"I'm sure he'll be back my masked, face weilding friend", Slenderman said, in perfect English, as he tapped his tentacle arm gently on Masky's shouldor, said masked person just sighing under his mask.

"This is your fault you know. You were'nt so...so...you! It would be easier to make friends! You said you would help me make friends, but all the things you've suggested are just plain illegal and stupid!"

"Now that's not fair! If watching someone while they slept worked for Edward Cullen, it should work for everyone", Slenderman defended himself. Masky could have sworn the eyebrows of his mask itself was twitching from that statement.

"Your forgetting something though. One, Bella Swan is a fucking idiot. Two, Twilight pratical promotes being in a mentally abusive relationship and marrying your stalker, and three, Twilight is shit in general!" If he had the mouth to do so, Slenderman would have been pouting.

"Well, I know something that might cheer you up~".

"What is it?", Masky muttered with such bitterness it was like the taste of lemon but in words.

"Weellll, we have the apartment to ourselves, and there's a CD player~".

"..."

About ten minutes later...

The song 'Gimmie Twenty Dollars' is playing as Slenderman and Masky are having a little dance party while drinking some fancy dranks.

"No wifein in da club, gimmie twenty dollars, gimmie twenty dollars", Slenderman and Masky both sang together, off key in unision, jumping up and down on the couch. Masky was topless revealing his chest while Slenderman had a lampshade on his head.

As you can guess, they were having hella fun. But of course, all fun has to come to an end.

"WHOOO! You were right Slendy, this IS fun and-", Masky stopped to sniff the air. "Why's there smoke?"

"Oh, I figured you would get hungry so I decided to cook something for you. I found some stuff that said it was, 'flamable', so I put it in the oven for you. No thanks are necessary", Slenderman chuckled, as he started to swing his jacket over his head.

Masky's eyes went wide in shock and he looked at the kitchen area, only to see hugh flames! How the hell did he only notice that now!

Five minutes later...

"Slendy...I know you meant well, but it's stuff like this why Alex is trying to get a restraining order against us!", Masky muttered as he and Slenderman watched from the fire in Jay's apartment grew and other tenants fled the building either through the door or jumping out the window.

"In my defense, I've always prefered my food raw so I never really had too much experience with a oven or stove", Slenderman said calmly, not sounding like he was affected by what he had caused. But soon, all annoyance and obliviousness was forgotten by the unmistakable sound of police sirens.

"Oh crap, it's the cops!", Masky cried, almost feeling his palms sweating.

"What do we do!", Slenderman asked, sounding scared since he was too slender to be in the big house.

"CHEESE IT!", Masky cried before he and Slenderman started running back to the Slender Cave! Also known as the House that they were illegally squatting in.


	2. Sexything

The following sketch should not be attempted in real life, since it is illegal and we will not take responsibility when you get executed.

The characters will be played Slenderman=Sexything, Tim=Husband, Rebecca=Wife, Jay=Cop1, Brian=Cop2, Alex=Judge, Masky=Executioner1, Hoodie=Executioner2. The prisoners were played by some random guys we found on the street. This sketch is based off of the WKUK(Whitest Kids U'Know)sketch: Sex Robot.

The link to the actual sketch is here: watch?v=HGSVYgcy24Q

* * *

**Sexything**

It was a pretty normal, happy summer day along Marnet Drive. Well, it would have been if it was'nt for a VERY weird thing.

Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything.

Yes, as you could see the Slenderman, or Sexything as he has changed his name to, was dancing down the street doing very disturbing dancing while he was only wearing briefs. Don't worry, it was'nt anything TOO graphic. It was mostly disco moves, though he did a lot of hip thrusting and gesturing to his groin.

Anyway he was doing this while along Marnet Drive, the singing was at first thought to have been him, but then he actually started talking while the singing was happening.

Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything.

"Comming to your town~".

Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything.

"Do you wanna get down?~"

What really confirmed the music and singing was comming from him was that you only heard it if he was close by. By now he had stopped moving down the street but was still dancing, outside of the house of the married couple Tim and Rebecca.

Both of them looked out the window, both looking scared at what was happening outside their home.

"He's still fucking out there", Tim said, though not too loudly incase by some chance Slende-I mean Sexything heard him.

"What does he want?", Rebecca looked up at Tim. The both of them did'nt need to say anything to know the other was scared.

"Did you call the police?"

"Yeah, like two hours ago". Tim sighed in frustration and looked out the window again. Thankfully, officers Jay and Brian eventually showed up, looking a little hesitant as they approched the scary guy.

"Uh, hey there", Jay said.

"Can we, um...help you", Brian asked before nervously glancing at Jay.

That annoying song was still playing as Sexything, who was still dancing, said,

"How did he get here?~"

"...How did you get here?", Brian asked, feeling like this being would forever be in his memory.

"What does he want?~"

"What do you want?", Jay asked this time.

"He want's sex~"

"Well that is not happening buster!", Jay said, using all of his confidence that he could as Brian shuck his head at the creep.

"He'll never stop~", Sexything was now dancing his way to the two cops who instantly pulled out their guns.

"Oh yes he will!", was all Brian said before they began shooting as Sexything made his way over to the cops who had to steps back. Unfortunately, even with a name change it was still Slenderman and bullets have no affect on him.

The next day, in Hornets High Security Jail...

Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything.

"Even in jail~", Sexything was still dancing, in a prison cell with other criminals, who looked like they too, were disturbed.

"Could we put him in another fucking cell please?", one of the prison mates yelled, before Sexything held onto the bars.

"He'll hump the bars~". Yeah, I don't think I need to describe what he did while the prisoners were all horrified.

"Oh my God!", one prisoner said, deeply traumatised.

The next day, in the court of justice...

Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything.

Sexything was in the witness stand, still dancing while the officers stood by him, with disgusted looks on their faces as Judge Alex sat in his seat, head in his hands in frustration before he asked, the tone in his voice made it clear he was frustrated,

"What are you?"

"Do you wanna get down?~"

"I told you, NO!", Alex snapped as he glared at Sexything. The 'no' echoing loud and clear.

"Sexing up your town", at this response Alex just facepalmed himself, wondering what would have happened if he had become a film student instead of getting into law.

"Oh heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllll, NO!", one of the jurors said, and Alex banged his gavel, a perfect sentence in mind.

And finally, at the gallows...

Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything. Sex-ything, sexything.

Even with a noose around his neck, Sexything was still dancing. If either of the executioners faces could be seen, they would have looked bored.

"He's made of sex~", were the last words of Sexything before the executioner nicknamed Masky pulled the rope and the floor gave way to Sexything.

Having been the ones to arrest him, officers Jay and Brian were allowed to withness the execution.

"What have we learned here today?", Brian asked Jay, who looked like he was going to answer, but changed his mind and kept his mouth shut.


	3. I Will Hear you Scream Again

The following sketch uses the songs: Giry Confronts the Phantom/Til I Hear You Sing (Reprise). It is not mine.

This is the link to the song: watch?v=G-YS9jJhirg

* * *

**I Will Hear you Scream Again**

"I can't believe I let you two talk me into this", Alex grumbled as him, his younger sister Rebecca and his friend Jay went through a creepy building in the middle of the night. Because when one is chased by supernatural entities with no faces and masked creeps, the most logical thing is to go into creepy, abandoned places in the middle of the night.

"Just, come on", Jay muttered as they walked quietly through the halls, but then stoped.

"What is it?", Rebecca asked nervously.

"I...think I hear something. Over here", Jay walked over to some curtains and behind it was a balcony over looking a big hall. When all three on said balcony, they wondered why it appeared so randomly, but they stayed silent as they saw who was in the hall. Slendy, Masky and Hoodie, or the Three Amigos as they were trying to get people call them.

Hoodie seemed excited and none of our heros could tell why, and so were surprised when he burst into song, directed to Slenderman.

Hoodie:

Tell me did you watch? Tell me that you saw.

Did you hear the crowd the way they cheered I hope your proud.

Did you like the new routine was it passable I mean?

I change a thing or two. What should I do?

No don't say it I can guess.

But I promise I'll progress.

"Yes of course. Whatever you feel is best", Slenderman said. He was only paying half attention while reading a news paper in one tentacle and sipping tea with the other. Masky seemed to be staring at Hoodie. Hopefully for the same reasons that Alex, Jay and Rebecca were. Confussion.

"The hell...", Alex trailed off.

"Is'nt that from 'Love Never Dies'?", Rebecca asked, mostly to herself. Luckilly, the trio were not spotted...yet. Jay was wondering what the hell Hoodie was on about and was wondering if it had anything to do with the first time he appeared on camera?

Hoodie:

Did the costume look okay? Too revealing would you say?

People seemed to like the view.

"Hoodie. Please", Masky muttered. Rebecca was confused. If Hoddie's clothes were 'revealing', what did completely covered look like?

Hoodie:

I could show a bit more skin that would surely bring them in-

"Hoodie!", Masky snapped, after he gave Hoodie a bitch slap. Jay, Rebecca and Alex looked disgusted at the idea of Hoodie wearing less and making it sound like he was a male stripper. But they also felt pity that Hoodie was slapped like that since he was now cowering. And why was Slenderman acting like this is normal?

Cue Masky singing.

Masky:

Can't you see that the master's at work?

Can't you see that his mind's somewhere else?

Can't you see that obviously he's thinking of things more important then you?

"Carefull Hoodie. You're forgetting yourself", Slenderman sighed as he put his things down. Masky seemed annoyed judging by how his hands were clenching and he countinued his verse.

Masky:

Don't you see he forgot what this is?

Haunting peoples nightmares at night.

A success means not I guess compared to the things that the master must do.

"That's quite enough!", Slenderman snapped. Our heros were surprised Masky spoke that way about Slenderman.

"Alex!", Masky cried out dramatically. "Alex!"

"Alex...", Hoodie sung softly.

"...Er...why did they...?", Alex trailed off, looking confused.

"Shush, I want to see if there'll be more singing", Rebecca said, already putting her glasses on to see better.

"Hoodie leave. Now", Masky ordered which Hoodie reluctantly complied to.

Masky:

During the shooting, when Alex fled from you who was there?

We were there!

Where was he, when no one hung with you? Gone long gone.

We stayed on!

Who took awesome pictures of you? Set up the Youtube account?

Helped you scare people half to death?

Slenderman:

I don't see the problem. This is ancient history.

Masky:

And once here, when you burned down the pet shop. Who stood by?

Hoodie and I!

While you ate those cute puppies, who kept working night and day?

Who gave you their very lives?

At this line Masky pratically threw himself at Slendy's feet, gripping onto his ankles.

"He...he did what?", Rebecca whimpered at the traumatising image of cute puppies being eatten by this faceless fiend.

Masky:

Who plied the politicians? Lured away all of the press?

No not him!

"What politicians?", Slenderman asked. As far as he knew, neither press nor politicians knew of him. Unless they used the internet.

Masky:

And who stayed with you? Helped you and advised you?

We stayed with you. Loved and idolised you.

He betrayed you! Shunned you and despised you!

He chose Amy, chose her face and her youth.

It's long past time you faced up-

"Enough!", Slenderman yelled and kicked Masky off his feet and into a wall.

"Geez Alex, their making sound like he's in love with you or something", Rebecca giggled a little in a joking manner while Alex just scowled in disgust.

"Don't be ridiculous Bec", Alex muttered.

"You'll be repaid as I promised you would. Now if you've anything else left to say...?", Slenderman said to Masky. Said masked man walked outside leaving the faceless man alone.

Slenderman looked around, not seeing Jay, Rebecca or Alex, and went to a closet and pulled a mannequin out and taped onto the face was a photograph of...

"Is that...me?", Alex adjusted his glasses as he looked down in horror.

"Looks like it to me", Jay grimanced, feeling sorry for his friend as did Rebecca untill she said,

"Well, it might not be what you think".

Slenderman:

Oh Alex. My Alex.

"Umm...", Rebecca already wondered if she should take back her words now.

Slenderman:

Yes you've fled from my face once before.

"What face", Jay muttered as Slenderman began waltzing with the mannequin.

Slenderman:

But Alex, what we've shared

Even you can't ignore!

"Wh-what?", Alex felt that he was going to faint or puke as Jay and Rebecca tried to calm him down.

Slenderman:

My Alex! I'll be no longer denied.

I'll have you back by my side.

My sweet Alex!

Slenderman held his mannequin up high like he was doing ballet and then hugged it close to him before doing...what I think is kissing it.

"Oh God...", Jay looked pale as Alex looked on, traumatised for life as did Rebecca...more so then before. Thankfully Slenderman stoped kissing the mannequin and sung again.

Slenderman:

And come what may,

I swear somehow, someway.

I will hear you scream once more!

There was complete silence except for the sound of Alex hyperventilating loudly. Jay and Rebecca both look horrified by this song. Did Slenderman really love Alex?

"Hm?", Slenderman looked up at the balcony and Jay and Rebecca froze. Oh shit, they were in trouble! They had to think of something and quick!...And find a way to help Alex calm down. Slenderman saw Alex and dropped the mannequin.

"Oh-oh no did you see that? Alex! I can explain I...I...I FUCKED IT UP! I FUCKED IT UP BADLY! I WAS GOING TO KIDNAP YOU, CONFESS MY LOVE ON A BOAT WHERE WE WOULD MAKE LOVE BENEATH A MOONLESS SKY! BUT I'VE FUCKED IT UP NOW!", Slenderman started...crying? And then ran away with his tentacles to his faceless face.

"Wh-what just happened?", Rebecca asked slowly, starting to feel sick. And not from the Slender sickness either.

"I...I don't know", Jay mumbled, falling back on his rear as his brain tried to fully understand what had just happened. "What about you Alex, are you okay?"

"..."

"A-Alex...?", Rebecca trailed off when she and Jay saw Alex passed out on the floor from shock.


	4. Now you fucked up!

The following act is a terrible representation, and is not accurate. If you think it is, your an idiot.

The roles shall be played as so: Actor Hamlet=Masky, Actor Othello=Hoodie, Abe Lincoln=Alex, Male Audience Member=Jay, m.a.m's Wife=Rebecca.

* * *

**Now You Fucked Up!**

At the Ford Theatre, the company is preforming the play Hamlet...or at least, it's own version.

"Oh Hamlet, Hamlet, Hamlet, Hamlet, Hamlet", began Hoodie, playing the role of Othello aparently. "The vampire army has taken the city".

"We must check the tower and make sure no vampire have gotten into our home base", replied Masky, playing the role of Hamlet.

"You wait here. I'll go check the castle", Hoodie then ran off the stage.

"Yes. You do that", Masky said, but no sooner had he said it, Hoody came running back with his hand to his neck.

"Oh my God Hamlet. I just saw a fucking vampire! It bit me right in the neck!", Hoody cried before falling in Masky's arms. "Save yourself Hamlet. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiit". Then Hoodie laid limp in Masky's arms.

"Othello, I will avenge you", Masky declared, laying Hoodie on the ground. "And rid this castle of the vampire scurge that has taken this fair city. I shall hunt each and everyone down, in this town, and drive a wooden stake through their heart! All this, for my friend, Othello".

Masky began walking around the stage, as Hoodie stood up and followed Masky, acting like a vampire. During this scene it was quiet, until...

"Oh no!", came the cry from President Alex Lincoln from his presidential box. "Hey Hamlet turn around! He turned into a vampire, he's gunna bite you!"

This made Jay, who had come to watch Hamlet with his wife Rebecca, look up in confusion at the person who was the president of their country.

"Oh shit! Hey I can't watch this! Hey everybody, I can't watch this!"

"Well some of us are trying to", Jay yelled up at the president.

"Jay, please", Rebecca lightly scolded.

"Who said that? Which on of y'all dead motherfuckers just said that shit? Was it you string bean? You skinny ass, looking motherfucker!", Alex yelled loudly at Jay. "Turn around and say it again! Turn around and say it again! Turn around and-!"

"Will you please be quiet!", Jay snapped back.

"Jay! That is the president of the United States!", Rebecca hissed at Jay.

"I don't care who he is. He's ruining Hamlet", Jay mumbled as he tried to calm down and watch the show.

"Ohhhh. Now you fucked up. Now you fucked up. You have fucked up now. Now you fucked up. Now you fucked up. Now you fucked up. Now you fucked up. Now you have fucked up!".

"Mister President. Will you please. Be. Quiet!", Jay was really starting to loose his passive aggressive nature now.

"Suck my presidential cock, bitch! You fat ass piece of shit!".

Jay leaned back in his seat and took deep breaths to calm himself down as Rebecca fubbed his arm in a comforting manner.

"What? What?", began President Alex's new annoying technique. "What? What? What? What? What? What?"

"What?", Jay snapped, his fists clenched.

"What?", Alex said back. "I don't know why your looking up here for? You should be looking at the stage? I'm not putting a show up here, I'm trying to be entertained! Yo, acting! Yo acting! Stop the show, stop the show!"

Masky and Hoodie stopped and looked at each other and shrugged. Who were they to argue? This was President Alex Lincoln.

"Rewind the play five minutes because that fat piece of shit was talking and I could'nt pay attention!", Alex yelled, pointing at Jay.

"That's it, I've had it!", Jay had finally snapped. No more mister nice guy. "I'm gunna do what I should have done a long time ago". Jay then reached back behind his seat.

"Jay, what are you doing?", Rebecca asked.

"I'm going to beat him to death with this hammer", Jay said bluntly, holding up a hammer before he ran out of his seat and to some nearby stairs.

"What? Jay, no!", but Rebecca could do nothing but let history happen.

"Hey, what are you doing skinny? What are you doing you fat piece of shit?", as Alex countinued to make insults and asking what the hell Jay was doing, Jay made his way up behind Alex and tackled him to the ground and proceeded to start his hammer time.

"Oh shit! Ah, he's hittin' me in the butt! He's hittin' my butt! Don't break my butt! Don't break my butt! He's breaking my butt!", were the cries of the president as Jay countinued to hammer him in the ass, until he died of being hammered in the ass. Strangely though, no one seemed to make an attempt to save President Alex.

And the moral of the story is that you should always drink oj.

...Wait, what?


	5. Handcuffs

In the following sketch, all actors present are played by themselves. If you have read 'My Marble Hornets Story', there may be one or two spoilers regarding Rebecca's relationship status.

* * *

**Handcuffs?**

Rebecca was'n doing anything imperticular that fine spring day. She would have gone out but she was tired from having written a six page essay for a writing assignment so she just wanted to rest at ease at home. Yep, nothing could disturb her resting on the couch while watching tv. Well, until she heard a noise.

Rebecca sat up and looked over the couch to the archway entrance to the kitchen. Maybe she should go check? Rebecca had just swung her feet and legs off the couch only to be meet the masked face of her stalker (boyfriend?), Masky. Of course we all know it's Tim, but by the way things have been looking Masky seems to be a split personality so Rebecca just called him Masky when he had the mask on.

"AH! Dude, what the hell? You trying to give me a heart attack?", Rebecca asked with a faint scowl, forgetting about her it hurt to sometimes be choked by him, even if it only happened twice. She then noticed Masky was carrying something.

"Wait, is that my laptop?", Rebecca was getting annoyed now, but she had already saved a back up for her essay so there she did'nt have to worry to much if Masky deleated it. The masked man opened the laptop to reveal ?

"You read fanfiction?", Rebecca asked. She had a feeling Masky was scowling right now and he pointed at something. It took sometime for Rebecca to realise he had gotten into her internet history, and found out which fanfictions she had been reading.

"Oh, you found the stories for um...you and Jay?", Rebecca had a nervous smile on. She did'nt mean to read them, but they were just so good and...and...HOT! She got a feeling though Masky was not amused.

"L-look Masky, I can explain! I-I-I was tricked! Honest! I did'nt mean to read them!", it was a terrible lie she knew, but last time Rebecca pissed Masky off was when they first met and she accidently stabbed his side. He made her taste his blood because of it and frankly it still disturbed her to this day, despite her relationship with him.

"But, be-better then you and Jay then you and Slendy. Right", Rebecca laughed nervously as she tried to scoot away but Masky was not going to give her a chance to get away.

"I'm sorry, but-but it they were just really good writing and-and as a person who wants to be a writer, looking at sex scenes will help me if I ever want to do my own sex scenes!", Rebecca was nervous. Where was her jerk of a brother when you needed him? Probably still hiding after he found one or two fics where Slendy raped him. That would never happen...at least Rebecca hoped so. She did'nt want tentacle rape.

"Look Masky, if anything most of them were hot! And after reading them first as Jay, I replaced him with myself in my mind!", Rebecca was embarresed to admit this, but hopefully it would stop Masky being creepy. It seemed to work as eventually Masky stood up and left after leaving Rebecca's laptop on the coffee table. Rebecca gave a small sigh of relief.

Only to jump a little when she felt a hand on her arm and saw Masky again.

"Masky?", Rebecca tilted her head a little in confusion as Masky held something up. "Wh-why are you holding handcuffs?", Rebecca asked slowly, but deep down she knew the answer but to be honest she was'nt going to complain if this was what she thought it was~


	6. The OC Benefits

The following sketch was done under supervision. Here, Rebecca points out the benefits oc's give. The setting is Entry #35.

* * *

**The OC Benefits**

It was a beautifull, sunny day. The birds were chirping, the sun was baking the heads of bald people and Slenderman was in pedo-bear mode as he watched some children in a park. Yes, all was nice and normal.

Except that Alex was trying to kill Tim with a block of cement.

"Wait, stop!", Jay cried out as Rebeca grabbed Alex from behind and tried to pull her older brother away from Tim who was trying to crawl away.

"For God's sake Alex you can't kill Tim!", Rebecca shrieked.

"And why the hell not?", Alex snapped aback at Rebecca.

"He's got OC benefits!", Rebecca yelled. There was a silence in the building as Jay, Alex and Tim all looked at Rebecca with blank expressions.

"...He's what now?"

"Well, you know the way that I'm an OC? I.e, an original character?", Rebecca started off.

"Yeah...", Jay nodded.

"Well, being an OC in a fanfic based off of...well, any series means I can give benefits to certain characters".

"What do you mean?", Alex asked, lowering the rock in his hand as Tim gave a sigh of relief.

"Well, take Tim for example", Rebecca said, gesturing towards said man. "In this fanfic, he's my main love interest so he's a very high chance of living unless the creators of Marble Hornets decide to kill Tim off and my creator go's with it. However the thing about fanfiction is that as long as the scenerios are plausible and not laughable and ridiculous, you can keep characters from dying and since people really like me paired with Tim, chances are he's here to stay".

"So, I get to live because you, and I guess your creator too, like me?", Tim asked. Rebecca nodded.

"Pretty much".

"...Okay, I can live with that", Tim said, a small grin coming to his face. Thinking about it, this sort of made Tim immortal in a way.

"Wait, what about me?", Jay asked, frowning a little.

"Well, we just have a close friendship, that gives you some points. But your likely in the same ship as Tim since your the main protagonist in the cannon series, so I think that gives you a pass to live as well".

"Hold on a sec, what about me? I'm your brother in this!", Alex glared at Rebecca, who now did'nt seem too fazed by it.

"Well, technically as my brother you should have benefits similar to Jay and Tim. However you've become a douce so chances are that if you do die in cannon, you'll die here too. However if you can redeem yourself before then and/or regret everything you've done then you MAY live. But again, it depends on your actions".

"But that's not fair", Alex said, a frown coming to his face as he looked at his younger sister.

"And trying to kill a man when he can't defend himself is?", Rebecca asked with a raised eyebrow as Alex took a quick look at Tim.

"...You, may have a point", Alex grumbled.

"Of course I do". Rebecca rolled her eyes.

"Well, are there any other benefits?", Jay asked curiously.

"Well, I'm almost guarenteed to not die, but you can never be a hundred percent sure of these things" Rebecca paused as she tried to remember other things. "And now that I think about it, OC's can be talented in anything without having to have taken lessons. Also I could have all the sex I want and not have to worry about STD'S, or getting pregnant (as long as my creator does'nt want me to be)".

That last statement gave her nothing but silent stares from all three men.

"...What? ...Oh, your just jelous of me. Bitches", Rebecca stated with some smugness.

"Yeah, well that last thing would kinda make you a whore", Alex stated bluntly, not flinching as Rebecca glared darkly at him though he did once she punched him in the crotch, making him fall down into a fetal position.

"I am NOT a whore! That's another thing about us OC's, most of the time we're virgins! Like me!"

"Most of the time? What would the exceptions be?", Tim asked as Jay decided to untie him while Alex was down.

"Well, one of the more common exceptions would be writers have the OC raped before the story. Either by a relative, a bad guy or some random stranger. Though most of the time from what I've seen it looks more like a poor excuse for the OC character to have sympathy, but that's only from most fics I've read. A couple were actually done properly, like how a person would react in real life", Rebecca said, a small grimance on her face as Jay and Tim cringed slightly.

"And the other...?"

"Well, it's very rare but sometimes but sometimes the oc will have an ex boyfriend or two who she would have slept with. I think that even though I've never slept with any of my ex-boyfriends, I'm realistic in that not all teenagers are horny perverts".

"Err, right", Jay said slowly as he helped Tim up. "Sooo, as an OC do you have special powers to kill the Slenderman?", Jay asked, him and Tim looking at Rebecca hopefully. Even Alex glanced up at her, trying to ignore the pain he still had.

Rebecca chuckled.

"Silly boys. This story is set in real life. Do I look like a Mary Sue to you?".


	7. Habit can Sing?

**The following skit features the main cast of Everymanhybrid and my oc Claire and features the BarelyPolitical version of that song 'One Thing' by One Direction. Remember, there is only one direction for them. The boyband curse.**

* * *

**HABIT can sing?**

(Jeff is chained in Evan's basement by his ankle to a pipe, while a possessed Evan is grinning down at him while spinning a knife in his hand. Like a boss)

HABIT:  
This is fucking fun.  
What game shall we play next?  
You all say I'm insane.

Jeff:  
And is'nt that the truth.

HABIT:  
HEY!

(Claire slowly makes her way down steps of the basement while HABIT hides)

Claire:  
Why am I even here?  
What if Evan's possessed?  
I don't-hey what is that smell?

(Sees Jeff and runs over to him)

Oh God, Jeff are you okay?!

Jeff:  
Something's wrong with Evan now.  
I think HABIT'S possessed him.

(Claire: oh fuck)

Claire:  
Well c'mon let's get you free.

(Fiddles with chains on Jeff's ankle while HABIT slowly comes up behind her)

Jeff:  
Look out, he's behind you!

(Claire turns around and quickly rolls to the side as HABIT slashes at her, but only slashes the air. He is dissapointed since the air does'nt bleed)

(He turns to face Claire who is standing up and backing away from him slowly)

HABIT:  
C'mon, c'mon, let's play stab, stab now.

Claire:  
No thanks, I don't want to die.

(HABIT points knife at her)

HABIT:  
Too bad, you don't have an option, no.  
So let's play with knives now,  
Because that is awesome!

(HABIT jumps at Claire but she dodges but her shoulder get knicked with the knife. HABIT has Claire in a position in which he can easily block her no matter which way she runs)

HABIT:  
You can't avoid me no.  
I was frickin' Jack the Ripper.  
So now for dinner,  
How would you like your lungs served?

(He runs at Claire but Claire ducks under his arm and goes behind him as HABIT quickly faces her again)

Claire:  
Tempting but I must decline.  
My lungs are too smokey for you.

(HABIT laughes as he slowly advances on her)

HABIT:  
I did always like meat over done,  
And your blood can always, be wine.

(HABIT tackles Claire to the ground and chokes her with one hand as Claire grips his other one holding the knife)

HABIT:  
So just give up and let me kill you.

(Claire knees him in the gut and manages to push him off herself before quickly crawling away from him and standing up mid-crawl)

Claire:  
Fuck you, I'm not giving up!

HABIT:  
Too bad, you red haired whore you are dead.  
So just let me stab you!

(HABIT runs at Claire and manages to stab her side. Claire shoves him off and clutches her side as she falls on her butt and slowly crawels away to Jeff's side)

Claire:  
This is fucking ridiculous.  
Why can't we ever get a break?

(HABIT walks up to them at a taunting pace as he spins the now bloody knife in his hand)

HABIT:  
Oh, shut up for fucking sake,  
And say your prayers now,  
Because you will die, yeah.

(Claire and Jeff hug onto eachother in a comedic way with wide eyes)

Claire:  
Oh no, it seems we're we're through.

Jeff:  
It was good being friends with you.

Claire:  
At least it'll be done soon.

(HABIT has knife raised in the air and Claire and Jeff shut their eyes. However another noise of footsteps is heard and they open their eyes and look behind HABIT, who is also looking back, and see Vince who is confused)

Vince:  
What the hell is going on?

Jeff:  
HABIT is trying to kill us both!

(Claire points at HABIT)

Claire:  
That cunt possessed our friend Evan.

(HABIT glares and attempts to run at a defenseless Vince untill through the power of Everymanhybrid confussing plot and mind fucks, Doctor James Corenthal suddenly blocks his path)

James Corenthal:  
Before you kill them, check out this thing.

(Corenthal holds a photograph up to HABIT'S face. Surprisingly, whatever is on it is terrifying enough to effect HABIT who immediatly backs away while Corenthal walks up to him, still holding the photograph which seems to mimic someone holding a cross up to a vampire)

HABIT:  
Oh God! That is disgusting!

(As Habit says this, everyone bar Corenthal looks confused. Vince shakes his head)

Vincent:  
I don't even want to know what that is.

Jeff:  
I think it's that one thing.

(Later, a passed out Evan is sitting down, leaning against a wall. Claire is bandaged up and the doctor is checking on Jeff)

Vince:  
Thanks doc, you saved all of our lives.  
I hope Evan will be okay now.

(Corenthal nods with a smile. Claire however then gets a glazed look in her eyes and sounds different as she sings)

Claire:  
Hey, it could have been way worser.  
It could have been, boss man.

(Everyone looks worried now at Claire)

Jeff:  
Who?

Claire:  
My boss, he's right there.

(Claire points to other side of basement where Slenderman is standing. A few seconds after they see him he simeply waves)

Everyone bar Claire and Evan:  
Fuck!

* * *

**So what do you think was in the photograph Corenthal showed HABIT? Let me know in the comments :D**


	8. Journal Impossible

The following sketch is preformed by Noah, Rachel, Grandpa Karl, the Observer, Firebrand and a little appearance of Edward.

**Journal Impossible**

Noah and Rachel were desperate to get the journal, and when I say desperate I MEAN desperate. In fact it had led to them trying out various schemes which were rather humourous.

#1

"You sure this'll work?", Rahcel asked Noah, a little unsure about this plan. Noah nodded and said,

"At this point I'm willing to try nearly anything. Even...this". Noah looked down at the identical outfits he and Rachel were wearing and shivered. Whether it was from disgust, shame or the cold breeze he was'nt too sure.

All they could do now was knock on the front door, which they did.

Karl, the old German man and grandfather of Noah, opened the door. The look on his face was a clear indicator that he was not expecting this.

Noah and Rachel were dressed as girl scouts. Their tight, button up t-shirts were a pale yellow and they had bottle green skirts which were short. Very short. Their socks and badge sash were the same colour as the skirt as were the berets they wore on top of their heads. Noah's hair was the same while Rachel had put hers in pigtails.

Had it just been Rachel, Karl possibly would have had a boner. But alas, the sight of Noah's somewhat hairy legs kinda killed that and beard.

"Hello sir. We're selling girl scout cookies and we were wondering if you would like some?", Noah questioned, using a fake girl voice which sounded disturbing. He and Rachel held a box of cookies which wer clearly bought from a store.

Karl just stared before he held his finger up, telling them to wait while he went into the kitchen.

"He actually fell for it?!", Rachel whispered, feeling shocked that this plan worked.

"Looks like it", Noah mumbled. "Now I'll go in and you'll tell him that-"

Click

The click sound made both stop talking and look in the direction of the sound. Karl was no holding a loaded shotgun and was aiming towards the duo.

Naturally they paled and Noah quickly said,

"RUN!"

#2

"Okay, this time we won't talk. When he's not looking we'll go straight in", Noah muttered as he pressed the doorbell.

Karl opened the door and saw that Rachel and Noah were dressed in Halloween costumes this time. Rachel was dressed as a simple witch with the cliché black robes and hat and Noah as the cliché Dracula. No very original, but hopefully it would convince Karl enough that it was Halloween.

"Trick or Treat", the two chanted.

Again, Karl just stared before he pressed a button next to him on the wall.

After that, the only sounds in the sky were the screams of Noah and Rachel, having been ejected into the sky and soaring untill they fell into the canal next to Noah's place.

#3

This time, Noah and Rachel got Edward to help in their little scheme. He only had to drop fake snow on them while they took care of the rest.

The moment Karl opened the door, he was greeted with the Christmas song being preformed by Rachel and Noah, who were dressed in the sterotypical carolers outfits.

Seperately, Noah and Rachel were'nt too bad at singing. However together they made anything but a harmony.

"JOY TO WORLD! THE LORD HAS COME! LA LA, LA LA, LA LA!", they sang, la-ing in parts they did'nt know, which was a lot.

Karl just shuck his head and grabed a rock that was near the door and after doing a quick calculation he threw the rock up into the air outside. Hopefully it would-

Coink

"AH!"

The next sound was Edward falling to the ground, having been hit in the head with the rock.

Karl just closed the door as Rachel and Noah rushed to their friend's aid.

#4

It was night time this time round, and Noah and Rachel were'nt playing games.

"Ready?", Noah whispered to Rachel as they stood on the roof. They had already managed to saw a big hole in the roof, and were ready to do this mission impossible style. They even wore black t-shirts and jeans and fingerless gloves to look even more spy-like.

"Ready", Rachel confirmed. Noah nodded and attahced a wire harness to himself.

The mission impossible theme played as Noah was slowly lowered in Karl's room. The old bastard himself was snoring in his sleep, occaisionally mumbling something about a, 'wurst', whatever that was.

Once Noah was on the ground, Rachel slid down Noah's harness and together they looked around.

"Wow, it smells a lot like old people in here. More then you would think", Noah muttered, unawhere that in his spare time, his granfather had a lot of older lady friends over. Sometimes more then one.

"Let's just find the-OH, safe!" Noah quickly rushed to Rachel's side and saw the safe. It had to have been where the journal was.

"Oaky, I'll grab this and you open the window. After it's out we'll get out and get to the car and go home where a jack hammer is waiting for this thing", Noah said confidently.

"Let's do this", Rachel said before she walked over and quietly unlocked the window.

Noah made his way accross the floor slowly. With the added weight of the safe the floorboards seemed to creak heavier by the second, and the fact Noah broke a glass bowel, stepped on a cats tail, kicked said cat when it tried to scratch him and then broke a vase was'nt helping. But yet Karl slept through it all.

"Well, here we go", Noah said when he got to the window and chucked the safe out.

Karl still slept.

"Well that was easy", Noah said.

German yelling was then heard as Karl sat up quickly, having been woken by Noah.

"SHIT!"

"CHEESE IT!"

In a panic, Noah and Rachel both pushed themselves out of the window and fell painfully onto the ground. They did'nt let that stop them though as they grabbed the safe and made it quickly to the get away car.

Karl just sighed now as he saw his grandson and grandson's friend drive off into the night and cheering.

He could only imagine their reaction for when they would discover they had actually stolen the safe for his bran cereal for when he had certain bathroom difficulties.

Meanwhile, in wherever the hell the Collection live...

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Noah you look so stupid!", the Observer cackled. When our heros had dressed up as girl scouts, the Observer had taken a picture of Noah since it was so hilarious. Oh, he could'nt wait to put this on Noah's Twitter account. Glancing at it again, the Observer laughed some more to the point his tounge was hanging out and he was leaning back with his other hand unknowingly close to an awkward position.

That's when Firebrand came in.

"Hey, Observer. Cursor's looking for her curling iron and she was wondering if you-" Firebrand stopped as he looked at the young stalker.

The position he was in, while looking at Noah in a girl scout uniform...was the Observer...?

"Uh, I'll just leave you to your alone time", Firebrand said as he slowly backed out of the room.

"NO! It is'nt what you think!" But it was useless for the Observer to redeem himself now.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure no one disturbs you while your having your fantasies of Noah in a skirt".


	9. In Which There is Mpreg

The following sketch was written while high on sugar.

**In Which There is Mpreg**

At first, it had seemed that it would have been a normal day for Jay. Y'know, waking up after barely any sleep, feeling paranoia, all that jazz. But he couldn't help but feel odd. He didn't think much of it at first, and just got out of his bed and walked to the bathroom, careful not to disturb his paranoia buddy Rebecca.

The moment he looked at the mirror, he screamed as if he was being murdered.

There in the reflection was him, but his belly was protruding, almost similar to a woman who was six months...

Jay paled as he felt nausea. That... that couldn't be it, surely. He was a man for christ's sake! Men don't get pregnant, overnight and in general... Unless they were sea horses but Jay was definitely not that. And he couldn't simply say he over ate. Him and Rebecca were living off a diet of bread rolls to save money for Christmas.

"What the hell is..." Rebecca appeared at the door, woken by the scream. The moment she saw Jay her mouth dropped. "Jay... Is... Is that... How did you even-"

"I don't know!", Jay cried in a panic. "I just woke up, looked in the mirror and it was there!"

"Wh-what do we do?" Rebecca was starting to hyperventilate. Why the hell was this happening?!

"I-", Jay was cut off by a frantic knocking at the hotel room door. Rebecca and Jay looked at one another nervously before Rebecca went and opened the door. She nearly fainted at the sight.

Tim stood there, glaring at nothing in particular, pregnant. Yes, he too was pregnant, with a very noticeable belly. Everyone stood in silence before Rebecca narrowed her eyes at Tim.

"You bastard! You cheated on me!"

"No, I didn't!", Tim hissed. "I was like this when I woke up! And I know it has something to do with all his bull!"

"Why us!", Jay cried in a cliché, dramatic fashion.

"Don't. Forget. Me", another voice came. Everyone looked into one corner of the room and saw that Alex, through the powers of a fanfic with plot holes that are never resolved, had somehow snuck into the room, despite he himself being with child as well.

Cue Jay fainting onto the bed.

"A-Alex", Rebecca could barely get her words out as she and Tim stared at Alex. "Wh-what happened to you?"

"I got pregnant, and I know it's somehow Jay's fault! It always is!", Alex snapped as he tried to stand up. His newly added weight however made it difficult for him to get up though. "Um... A little help here?"

"Fuck you", Tim said simply. "And since you can't get up, I'm going to say it straight to your face that I made out with your sister. Multiple time". Tim smirked as Alex suddenly tried more furiously to get out of his chair and continued. "And while we haven't gone ALL the way, we definitely do certain things for one another in our private time~"

"YOU BASTARD!", Alex snapped as he nearly stood up only to fall back in the chair again.

"Hehe, if I wasn't pregnant too I would say this is the best day ever", Tim chuckled grabbing Rebecca's hand (said girl was now blushing madly) and started to randomly make out with her for no reason but to piss off Alex for fun.

"Hmhm". Tim and Rebecca broke apart and looked out the door to see Hoodie. He too was, surprise, surprise, pregnant.

"Is this a bad time?"

* * *

"This is the Observer's fault, I know it", Noah mumbled as he looked in the mirror, hands shaking as he lifted one to poke his belly. He too was a victim of this strange occurrence.

"I'm more worried about what we're going to do when you go into labour", Rachel murmured as she stood behind him, a mixed look of fascination and fear on her face as she stared at Noah. "I mean, will you have to poop it out, or get a c-section?" Already Noah felt like he wanted to hurl.

"Let's... let's not think about that right now", said a slowly paling Noah. "Let's just... just..." Noah quickly left the room and the sound of barfing in the bathroom greeted Rachel's ears as she slowly made her way after him and held his hair back for him.

"Why? Why for the love of God?", Noah questioned as Rachel led him to a seat to sit down. This couldn't happen to him. He was Noah fucking Maxwell. It would have been a lot more understandable if it had happened to Rachel. She was the one who had a fucking womb!

"We'll figure something out", Rachel tried to comfort Noah, but Noah just couldn't feel his spirits lift. It was bad enough dealing with difficulties such as college, the Collective and of course the fan-girls who always tried to touch him and have their way with him, but all of that plus a baby was going to kill him.

"Fine. But if either our parents ask, your the one who gave birth to it".

"I can't do that!", Rachel argued. "If I do my grandparents on my mum's side will yack on and on about how I should have waited until marriage to have sex! We haven't even done that!"

"Hey, I'm gonna get it too from my parents!", Noah defended. "Or at least they'll say I should have been more careful or something".

"Can you guys see me yet?" The pair looked behind them and were shocked to see their old friend Milo, standing there as alive as he was years ago.

Plus pregnant.

"M-Milo... Y-your...", Noah could barely get the words out of his mouth as he and Rachel stared at Milo's stomach and his clothes. Milo cringed a little as he realised his pregnancy WAS noticeable.

So much for wearing nothing but a very fluffy pink bath robe.

* * *

"This... This isn't possible", Jeff mumbled in a delirious state. He sat on Evan's couch along with Vince and Evan, all three with bulging stomach's of pregnancy as Claire and Stephanie sat across from them, unsure what to say or do.

"This is... This is just a fucked up dream", Evan chuckled nervously, trying to believe what he knew deep down was false. "I'm gonna wake up soon, with a naked Stephanie in my arms".

"I swear, if you weren't pregnant", Stephanie mumbled under her breath as she shuck her head.

"So, does that mean you're going to be the dad while Evan's the mom?", Claire asked the girl out of curiosity.

"You're not helping Claire", Vince mumbled under his breath, and nearly jumped as he felt something poke his belly and saw Evan was poking it. "What the hell are you doing?", Vince questioned.

"... I bet my baby will be cuter then your's".

"Fuck you".

A ringing then broke out and Jeff quickly took out his phone and looked at the caller ID and after seeing it was Alex he answered it.

"Hey, Alex".

"Jeff! We have a problem!", Alex cried. If they could have seen him now, they would have seen tears coming down his face from fear. "I-I-I THINK I'M PREGNANT! I WOKE UP AND MY STOMACH'S HUGE!" Jeff's mouth dropped as Alex wept. The phone was on speaker so everyone heard and were just as shocked as Jeff. "And it's not just me!", Alex went on, still weeping. "Daniel's knocked up to, and Ryan and Claire's boyfriend came back from the dead and are pregnant too! And we saw that the milkman was too when he was passing by, and the mailman just came by and he's pregnant! OH, and the Rake's pregnant too, either that or it's eating our trash too much like it's doing now. And I just got a text from school, and it's been closed indefinitely because all the males are pregnant! It's like 'Village of the Damned'! But with the guys pregnant instead of the girls!"

"Mother of God...", Vince murmured, feeling sick as he wondered what sort of monstrosity caused this.

* * *

"This can't happen. This defies every single law of biology that can relate to this predicament", the Observer growled as he glared at his stomach. He wasn't the only one. All the other Collective members but Cursor (because she is a girl and as such can not get pregnant in this story) were with child as well.

"Well, look at it like this", Cursor said with a huge, smug smirk as she looked at her male colleagues. "At least now, men shall know the pain we women go through to bring their offspring into this world".

"Now is not the time Cursor", Swain muttered bitterly as he resisted the urge to go drink his worries away. He didn't want to be bitched at later for. 'endangering' his kid or whatever.

"How did this happen", Mr. Scars mumbled quietly to himself. "M-Maybe we should ask the Administrator? Yes, we should do that. He should have the answer".

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU WHINY LITTLE BITCH!", Deadhead shrieked. "JUST SHUT YOUR LITTLE TRAP AND ADD ANOTHER SCAR TO YOURSELF YOU WHORE!"

Cue Mr. Scars high pitched wailing.

"Don't do that you bastard!", Persolus snapped at Deadhead before joining Cursor to comfort the crying man.

"He is right you know", the Observer said thoughtfully.

"Mr. Scars or Persolus?", Cursor asked.

"Both", the Observer responded before he walked out of the room to find the Administrator, trying to force out the images of all male Collective members being pregnant from his now severely damaged mind. Eventually though, he found the Tall One, sitting at a table (which was custom made for him along with other furniture and clothes due to his insane height), sipping tea from a cup. The Observer was glad to see that Slenderman was not pregnant. Perhaps there was hope for all this insanity.

"Sir, I'm sure you're aware of the current... predicament".

"Indeed I am", Slenderman nodded. "I too was with child until a few hours ago".

A record skidding to a stop could be heard.

"Wh-what?", the Observer questioned, feeling more confused then ever. Slenderman seemed okay, so how could he have been...?

"Children to be more precise", he sighed. "That's them over there". He pointed to a corner of the room that the Observer had not looked and said being removed his glasses to clear them up before putting them back on to get a better look, to make sure his eyes had not deceived him.

They didn't. In the corner of the room were dozens upon dozens of light, greenish-blush egg sacks with a strange goo that smelled funny.

"They'll hatch in a month or two", Slenderman said casually as he added blood to his tea. "It is odd though. I was sure only females of my kind could carry children".

"Females?" The Observer could barely say the word due to how light headed he suddenly became on discovery of his Keeper's children.

"Well, I would assume so. I haven't actually seen any of my kind, but if I'm the only one, I'll just have to be the God to my children, or something like Adam and Eve minus the thing with the apples", Slenderman said with a small shrug. The Observer did not respond but he slowly made his way out, questioning why this was happening. This was real life. Unless you're a sea horse or a pipe fish, all men could forget about getting pregnant... or if a man wanted the embryo implanted in him. But none of the Collective wanted brats.

Who could have done this? Why?

* * *

"'Oh Tim, I love you and I'm having your baby', Jay sighed sadly, fearing Tim would abandon him. 'I love you', Tim said. 'Fuck Rebecca and all girls, we're having our magical, biology defying baby! Now give me some sugar and a blowjob!'"

A girl in her late teens was finishing off writing her 'work of art' fanfiction, and giggled at everything. She thought it was pretty funny and hoped others would find it as funny as she did. Had she more courage, she would have possible sent at least some of the story to the brilliant creators of Marble Hornets, Tribe Twelve and Everymanhybrid. But instead she felt it best not to. No, she would let the people on fanfiction. net be the judges.

Looking at the time, she saw it was only half eleven at night so she would just listen to music now, unawhere that she had caused mass fear in the world of Slenderverse.

Instead, she was more worried about what snack to get.

* * *

**Well, I hope you enjoyed that story. As far as I know there aren't any Slenderverse stories involving mpreg, soooooooo *grins wickedly* I CALL BEING THE FIRST TO DO IT! TO HELL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES! **

**MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!**


	10. Noah's Sexy Attack

**Noah's Sexy Attack**

Noah always knew that when he was older he would become a very sexy man. He found this information out when he had been walking home from school in the summer of 2002, when he was walking by a man who told him he was The Doctor (from Doctor Who) It would be years until Noah realised it was just a random homeless man who had the same kind of trench coat the Doctor would wear when he would be played by David Tennant. But the sketch the man did of what he predicted Noah would look like when he was older was worth the trouble he got into for using the money he was suppose to use to buy a birthday card for his grandfather. It wasn't like the guy visited anymore anyway, but that was a different story for another day.

True, due to Noah being somewhat socially awkward he had had doubts about this. But then Rachel Evens moved into the neighborhood and became friends. It was around their sixteenth birthdays that Noah noticed Rachel glancing at him in a certain way. Noah wasn't stupid. It was pretty obvious what she thought and this gave Noah boost of confidence that the homeless stranger had been correct. Even if in retrospect the homeless man was on drugs.

Then of course the whole problem with the Slenderman and his harem- I mean the Collective showed up. When the Observer started getting a little too close it meant one of two things. Either the Observer was gay or Noah could just attract straight, bi and gay people. Well, there was also the probability that he just liked to mess with Noah, but come on. This is fanfiction. Logic doesn't exist.

Then of course the fangirls... and boys. Of course, Rachel would be the main girl Noah would have his eyes on. But that didn't mean that he couldn't use this influence he had to his advantage.

He trained with his ability of hotness. It took him a month long trip to Mt. Titi-Bang-Bang in Nepal (with Rachel joining him to make sure he didn't accidently insult someone. He had a bad habit of doing that) to study with Bangemal Monks, who were some of the hottest holy men alive. Rachel nearly joined their harem until Noah blindfolded her.

But this isn't really the actual story.

No. The amazing adventure in Mt. Titi-Bang-Bang with gorgon headed dragons, a kraken that walked on land and a fire-winged pegasus that spoke fluent French would be a story for some other time.

Where we are now is MUCH more important.

"Face it Noah. You've lost", the Observer cackled. Noah and Rachel and their Collective counter parts Firebrand and Pierrot were standing in the middle of a cornfield, facing the rest of the Collective and Slenderman. Why a cornfield you may ask?

Fuck logic. That's why.

"It's not over", Noah said coolly. He nodded to Firebrand. Their plan was already ready to go. "Rachel. Pierrot. It's time".

"Gotcha", Pierrot mumbled as she and Rachel both tied blindfolds around their eyes and put earplugs in their ears. Both girls sat down cross legged while Firebrand and Noah stood calmly.

"Err... What are you doing?" Cursor was the one to ask this. But neither of the men responded. But Firebrand used the magic of major fanfiction plot holes to take a stereo out of thin air and put it to the ground. Both men nodded to one another and Firebrand pressed play.

The tune of 'SexyBack' by Justin Timberlake began to sound out in the cornfield.

"What the hell are you idiots doing?", Slenderman asked.

But they didn't answer. With one final nod, both Noah and Firebrand ripped their shirts off, revealing their chests.

"What is-" but Dead Head was cut off when Noah and Firebrand suddenly threw their arms up and yelled out,

"FANGIRLS WE CALL ON YOU, BY THE POWER OF THE GREAT MAN WHORE ZEUS! FLY DOWN TO US THROUGH YOUR MYSTICAL CREEPY WAYS! BE LED TO US BY OUR AWESOME SEXY POWER, WITH OUR BEST FEATURE BEING OUR EYES, AND HAIR! AND THE ABILITY TO LOOK GOOD WHILE EVEN HAVING BURN WOUNDS! COME! AND KILL ALL OUR ENEMIES!"

The Collective stared in silence. Perhaps they had finally lost it at last? But then they heard it.

It was quiet enough at first. But then they appeared coming over the hills. The fangirls. How many were there? Think of the last scene from the movie '300', with the newly increased Spartan/ Greek army to fight the Persians. It was that many. They all had various weapons and were dressed scantily. Some weren't even wearing anything and were butt naked!

The Collective and Slenderman were too shocked too react on time. But there was also the fact that the Observer himself was affected by the cries of the men. It was only when he tackled Mr. Scars to the ground and started biting his face did the rest of the group notice the glazed look in the Observer's serpent eyes. But by then the fangirls had closed in.

After that, Firbrand, Noah, Rachel and Pierrot calmly walked away merrily. Whistling 'We're Off to See the Wizard' with their arms linked together.

Hours later a farmer would come by and notice a giant pool of blood in the middle of the field as girls left in droves.


End file.
